“I should smack you for what you just said!”
“I don’t care if you hit me! Do it!”

…
“Hello? My father just threatened to hit me.”

There were words said. Words that I regret. Words that could have changed the life of someone that I love.

I had called the police to try to get my dad arrested because I was so upset. I regret that immensely. But, my phone died before anything could be done. I don’t remember exactly how much I told the police officer, but I do know that they were pretty close to getting someone to go out to my dad’s house and see what was up. By that time, I was gone. I had left to go to my mom’s house.

In retrospect, I was acting upon impulse and very immature at the time. My father and I had gotten into an argument about how I disliked his girlfriend, who became his wife and my stepmom, and who I am actually very close to now. However, when my parents got divorced, I was VERY unhappy. First, I was upset at my mom for leaving, then I was upset at my dad for getting a new girlfriend. I felt like I was stuck in between with no parents. I felt like I was lost during that time. However, when I got into that argument with my dad, I ran to my mom. I ended up moving in with her.

If my dad had been arrested or even summoned to court, I don’t know what would have happened. I think perhaps I would have told them that I was just upset, that I didn’t know what to do. But I look back and I think how things would be different now if that call had not ended.

My dad and I are very close now. I go to his house almost every day. When my mom left here to go to Hawaii, I moved back in there. When my ex left me, he helped me get back on my feet emotionally. He has been there for me through everything and I am grateful to him for that. I don’t know if he ever thinks about that terrible argument that we had. I feel like I should apologize sometimes, but I don’t want to bring it up and stir up harsh feelings.

My family is very important to me. Trying to get my dad in trouble by lying to the police was a stupid thing for me to do. I try to remind myself that I was just a teenager, but it still resonates inside me every once in a while.

As a new mom, I try to educate myself on what to do and what not to do in terms of raising a healthy, productive member of society (although my baby is only a month old, she's not very productive since she's contributing to the O-Zone problem with her gas). But one of the things that I really don't care about is the H1N1 flu.

I don't understand how or why it is so much worse than the regular flu. I know it can be more deadly to certain groups of people, such as pregnant women and people under 25. When I was pregnant I never even thought about getting the vaccination because I just didn't see the point really. My doctor's office never pushed it on me. When I was in the hospital they asked me if I wanted a regular flu shot but I said no, and they didn't seem to care, so I figured if my doctor and nurses don't care that much about me getting a flu shot, why should I get one?

Now that I have a young baby, I get a lot of pressure from my family (especially my old-fashioned grandma) that I should get the vaccination so I don't get sick, so that she doesn't get sick. But I kinda feel like, "Meh, okay, whatever" about it. Although I am not breastfeeding, I am pumping for her and she gets a little bit of breastmilk so she does get some of my immunities to help build up her defenses. I really, rarely ever get sick and I don't think that something like the H1N1 flu is a big deal. I feel like it's more media hype than anything.

It's a little irritating because I really do know that I should care about it, I should care about not getting sick and protecting my daughter, but I feel like I know that I won't get sick, so I don't care. I know people say that all the time, that they don't or won't get sick, and then they do. But really, I don't get sick. Knock on wood, though.

When I was pregnant, we used to watch all these shows that come on TLC, like I Didn't Know I was Pregnant, A Baby Story, etc. One of the shows that came on that I pretty much refused to watch was Toddlers and Tiaras.

We used to joke about how when my daughter was born, I'd have to get her some frilly dresses and put her in those pageants and stuff, but in reality there is no way I would ever put my daughter in one of those shows.

When I think of the word SMILE, I immediately think of those mothers who put their daughters in those pageants and how spoiled those kids are that compete. They spend time, energy and money to, in my opinion, live their dreams through their children and I don't understand why or how they could do that. Also, I thought of Michael Caine in the movie Miss Congeniality where he tells Sandra Bullock's character that he doesn't care what she does as long as she remembers to SMILE.

The mall near my house does little talent search/pageant things once in a while. The last time I was there, they had a 3 DAY OLD baby. WHAT. That's unnecessary, really. I don't understand what compels these parents to put tiny babies in those pageants. My daughter is 3 weeks old and it's hard enough to change her diaper and find clothes that fit her as it is, I can't see how these parents can spend that extra time and energy getting these kids ready for pageants and spending tons of money on clothes, hair and makeup, especially in this rough economy.

But really, could anyone really give me any REALLY GOOD reasons as to why kids should be put in beauty pageants? I don't think there are really many valid reasons. I don't think pageants are the place for kids to learn self-respect. She can learn self-confidence other ways, like playing sports or doing well in school. I have plenty of self-confidence without having worn dresses and costumes when I was a little girl.

Why would I never put my daughter in one of those pageants? I think she should learn to respect herself for who she is not what she looks like or what kind of "talents" she has. She's going to have a tough time growing up as it is, because her dad isn't around and I know that's going to have some effect on her. There's no need for her to parade around in a frilly $3000 dress, smiling like a crazy person. Plus, I just don't have the energy for that!

This entry was written for The Real LJ Idol. If you liked my entry, please vote for me when the polls go up! Thank you!

In March, after I left my ex's home, I had nowhere to go so I moved into my grandma's house.

Now, my grandma is a character. She's an old Italian woman from New York. My grandma wrote the book on stereotypical Italian grandmothers.

I was 8 weeks pregnant when I moved in with my grandma. I was adjusting to pregnancy, and dealing with emotional issues from my ex.

Pretty much the whole entire time I was pregnant, my grandma told me what to do and what not to do. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I heard something different. I heard her birth stories I don't know how many times. I could tell you all about how my uncle was almost born in a car in a snowstorm because my grandma almost didn't make it to the hospital, and how my dad's birth only cost $80 dollars because she had him at the clinic.

These are a few of the things she told me on a daily basis:
-Not to bend
-Keep my feet up
-Wear tennis shoes
EVERY DAY.

Now that my daughter is here, I don't hear her pregnancy stories any more, but I do hear her telling me how to raise my daughter on a daily basis. For example, she told me to give her orange juice. At 2 WEEKS OLD. No thanks, Grandma. She also suggested that the first time I cut her fingernails, I put a penny in her hand because that's an Italian superstition. Cute idea, but I have more important things to worry about, like the fact that I'm trying to hold a wriggling newborn while cutting her nails with little scissors and trying to soothe her because she did not enjoy that.

It's been over 90 degrees here the past few days, and she's insisted that I put a sweater and a hat on her. I think a onesie will suffice, or even footie pajamas I'm OK with. But not a sweater.

I know she means well. She's my grandma, and Julia is her first Great-Grandchild. But she drives me CRAZY. Really, she does.

I like how this turned into a rant about my Grandmother. But, she always talks about how I have it so easy because I don't have to boil my diapers or mix formula from caro syrup or whatever she made it out of.

Her lectures might get old. However, I've learned just to kind of nod my head and smile and say "Yeah, I know, Grandma." But, she's my Grandma and I love her anyways. She's given me a place to stay and she helped me out when she could while I was pregnant. I will always be grateful to her for everything she's done. We do have a good time together, heck we've watched Mamma Mia! literally about 50 times together, and we watch Dancing with the Stars religiously.

I love you, Grandma, even when you tell me the same stories every single day :)



This entry was written for Season 6 of LJ Idol. If you liked my entry, please vote for me when the polls go up!

I feel a little strange writing this. Last year when I wrote this introduction I was in a completely different place. I was 21, about to graduate from college, planning a wedding, living at my dad's house.

Now, I'm 22, single, pregnant, living with my grandma. I did graduate college, but have been unable to find a job in my field so I have returned back to school for medical billing.

I thought surely by the time this season rolled around my life would be sorted out and I'd be in a much better place, but perhaps it is not my time yet.

So for now, I will tell you a little bit about me at this snapshot in my life in time.

Well first off, this is me:


My name is Lisa.
I live in Southern California with my grandma.
I am expecting my first child, she's due October 16 which is NEXT FRIDAY holy cow, so she'll come pretty much any day now.
I have a wide variety of interests. I'm easy to please.
My favorite food is grilled cheese sandwiches. Always has been. And apparently grilled cheese sandwiches are so important to me that I felt you needed to know that, out of all the other important things I could write about myself.

I have a hard time writing about myself because I never know what to say. I'm not a very interesting person I don't think. I feel like I should have a big life story but I don't. Well, maybe. Maybe not. I guess you can be the judge of that.

My parents divorced when I was 17. My dad remarried and my mom moved to Hawaii to live with her first husband who is my half-brother's dad. So my dad is my brother's ex-stepfather, and my brother's dad is pretty much my step-father. It's complicated, and I'm sure there's a lot more to the story than that.

Last December, I met a guy named Brian. We dated for a short while, about 3 months. I found out I was pregnant in February. He left me in March. I haven't heard from him much since and I'm not anticipating him to be involved in my daughter's life, nor do I want him to be. I feel like being with him was probably one of the worst things that's ever happened to me as he was emotionally and physically abusive. I was very clearly unhappy when I was in that relationship and I didn't see it while I was in it. But that relationship is giving me my daughter and I know she's going to be the biggest joy in my life very soon. Some days I regret being with him but I know when I see Julia's face for the first time I will forget all about the crappy times in that relationship.

I remember last year's intro was much more light-hearted and I feel like this post is a big downer. But it's who I am, and this is where I am today.

I am excited to be a part of this season of Idol even if it may only be for a short while. I am looking forward to meeting new people and learning more about myself and my friends.

I decided to go ahead and try Idol again this year.
I may or may not be in it very long since I'm about to have a baby like at any second, but if I get out early I'll just play the home game.

THE REAL LJ IDOL